nobody likes mondays

for the girls: paint your own color

Ladies, tell me if you can relate: you're hanging out with your girl friend. You know the one. You've always thought she was prettier than you, she always has nice clothes, perfect skin, awesome hair, and she never gains weight no matter how many chicken fingers she eats, even though she never works out. And to top it all off, she's an awesome cook, she plays bass guitar, and has recently taken up halfpipe snowboarding.

You love this girl. She's a great friend, maybe even your best friend. But you secretly resent her because she's so...awesome. And she makes you feel...well...less awesome, at least compared to her. So you kind of resent her without meaning to, just a little bit, not for real, but sort of.

I know I'm like this sometimes. It's a combination of reasons, I'm sure, and I do my best to nip it in the bud whenever I catch myself. But it's silly when I think about it, to resent someone because I feel their greatness makes me small, or their beauty makes me less desirable. It's like the color red resenting the color blue, because it can paint the water. And the color blue resenting the color red, because it can paint the fire. We are all different colors, all part of a portrait, altogether a masterpiece. She is not better than me because she can never be me. And I can never be her, because I'm not supposed to be her. We are all different, and all equal.

It applies to everything in life, I guess. But today, I call on the women; myself first, and everyone else who can relate.

Paint your own color!

No one else is the same shade, nor will there ever be.

an allergy to kindness?

Today, an old man stopped me on the street and said "You are absolutely beautiful!!"

I laughed and said "Thank you!" as I walked by. He smiled back and said "You are! You really are!"

It made me smile. But as we continued on our separate ways I caught myself thinking - whispering thoughts in my head.

"Maybe he was a little crazy."

"I wonder if he's high."

"Was he expecting me to give him spare change?"

"I hope he wasn't coming on to me."

"That's a little creepy, I hope he's not a stalker."

They were quiet thoughts, but they were there. Percolating underneath my gracious smile.

Has our generation grown to be allergic to kindness? Have we been traumatized so much by hurt, selfishness and depersonalization, that we have forgotten what it feels like to give and receive genuine goodwill? Have we grown so suspicious of each other that we can no longer accept compliments at face value and be grateful for them, even blessed by them? 

It's little things that we no longer deem necessary, like thanking the bus driver on your way out. Saying good morning to the stranger next in line. Smiling at other pedestrians waiting for the crosswalk light. Waving thank you when another driver lets you in their lane. I realize we don't need to do any of these things. We have our rights and we don't owe it to anyone to be friendly.

But...what if, just for fun, we went further out of our way to just be NICE to one another?

Then maybe being nice won't be such hard work, because while you're being nice to someone else, someone else is being nice to you.

And you wouldn't have suspicious thoughts percolating under your gracious smile.

So after all that, I've decided the old man was just a nice old man. I can afford to ignore the possibilities of him being drunk, crazy or creepy if that means I get to believe - for once - that someone stopped me on the street to tell me that I am "absolutely beautiful". Small price to pay for feeling like a million bucks. :)

back by popular demand!

Actually, I'm back because of the promptings of a dear friend who now lives far away and (for some reason) likes to read my blog. I miss him, and I figure if nothing else, this is a good way for us to keep in touch. In a unilateral and very public way, but still. In touch. :)

My blog is mainly about songwriting, and the reason I haven't been blogging so much these last few weeks is that I....haven't been...writing very much.

**GASP**

I know, I know! It's hard even for me to admit! BUT there is a good reason: I've been recording!

For the last few weeks, I've been working on my demo at Greenhouse studios with the usual suspects, Pio and our friend Bobby (sound engineer). And sometimes a stray individual ends up in the studio with us, forced to witness our antics and my impromptu dance performances in the booth. 

Studios are a magical world. I just LOVE the studio. Even when it's not me recording. There's something about being able to take music, perfect it, work it and make it grow. Nothing beats being in the studio, with the exception of being on stage.

On a side note: I suck at singing in the booth. I don't know why. Okay I shouldn't say I suck, or else you guys might never buy my records. I just mean that I'm much better live. The booth is such a lonely place, just me and my voice and this insufferable mic that remembers all my minor pitch discrepancies. Maybe I should start making people sit in the booth with me. Any volunteers???

Anyways. So that's what I've been up to. That, and teaching (singing), working, and rehearsing for upcoming gigs. I'll keep you guys posted. Exciting times ahead! And thanks for reading!!
Here I am in the little booth at Greenhouse Studios in Vancouver. That's Bobby, our sound engineer friend. Wooooooooohooooooooooooooo

the elusive second verse

It's a familiar experience for me. Inspiration comes like a flash of lighting and I'm catapulted through wonderful metaphors and alliteration, playful figures of speech and storytelling. The story is unfolding beautifully, rhyming perfectly, humming, beating...

...and then, a verse and a hook later, a brick wall.

What is it about the second verse? You're off to a great start and then there's nothing. I've been simmering in the same first verse and chorus of the song I'm working on right now, and for nearly a week I'd pick up the guitar, noodle around with the chords, journal, close my eyes, light candles, eat cookies...nothing works!! 

Maybe it's performance anxiety. You write this beautiful entry into the song, and you're under the gun to meet (and if you do your job right, surpass) your own expectations in the follow-up verse. Or maybe it's over-analyzation. In the beginning, you're not bound to any rhyming structures or rhythm patterns, chord structures or verse length. Whereas in the second verse, you've started working within parameters. You've turned from an artist to an engineer. And I like math, but I much prefer to doodle, if you get my meaning.

I don't have any solutions. I just stick to it. Tonight I'm going to pick up my same scratched guitar, noodle around with the same chords, journal, close my eyes, light candles, eat cookies celery sticks and pray that my inner writer shows up. And my inner engineer, too. I could use all the help I can get. :)

birthday banter - say it like you mean it

Today is my birthday. Woohoo!

With the help of modern technology, I received far more birthday greetings than I expected (or deserved, considering how poor my own birthday memory is). I made the decision at the beginning of the day to respond to every single facebook note, twitter post, text message and phone call. This resulted in a smattering of nostalgia, laughter, and even prayer throughout the day.

It's easy to be "reminded" by automated machines when someone's birthday comes up. On the flip side, it's too easy to take it for granted when you see 15 new wall posts on your facebook page greeting you happy birthday first thing in the morning. But when you decide to personally thank each person who greets you (whether they expect it or not), you are forced to really think about that person, what they mean to you, and how they have enriched your life.

There are people in my life who I've shared many laughs with, and some who have seen me through some truly dark moments. Some people barely remember me (mostly for singing or speaking somewhere), and some people know me the whole way through. Some greet me every single year, in spite of the fact that - knowing me - I've probably consistently forgotten their birthdays (sorry). And some people I've lost touch with over time and distance, but come back faithfully just to say hello and wish me well.

Today, I cherish all the people who remembered, whether by virtue of memory or automated alerts. It might seem like a small gesture to you, to send someone a text or a note on a facebook page, but it means much to me. Even more so now that I've actually taken the time to consider each and every one of you. Whatever genius inspired me to say thanks in a personal way, I'm glad it was awake today, because this is probably the best birthday present I have given myself: to remember the many wonderful people who have all made my life so wonderful and rich with meaning. :)

the haters

It's surprising how mean people can get, especially when criticizing other people and their work (or appearance, or names, or religious backgrounds, or skin color...or anything, really). I get that art is a very subjective matter - everyone views art from a unique perspective - and what could be beautiful to some may be appalling to others, but some people truly go out of their way to get personal and are sometimes just shockingly, disturbingly, destructively negative. 

Granted, some people bring it on themselves. Most people can pick out a poser when they see one. But I'm thinking about Taylor Swift and how she just got obliterated by Kanye West on live TV, as she was accepting her first VMA. I think about the hundreds of YouTube artists who get nasty comments on their videos from people who have nothing better to do with their time. I think about the actors and actresses who get noticed for everything from their cellulite to their failed marriages, and not for their acting. I'm thinking about people - REAL people - who are just trying to express themselves creatively.

There's room for healthy criticism. Not for haters. 

It used to really kill me, hearing people talk crap about what I do. But the thing I've realized is that 95% of the time, the people who like you won't say anything to you. And 95% of the time, the people who do talk crap about you (and by crap, I mean the useless, personally hurtful crap) either don't really know anything about you or are just jealous because they can't do what you do. Or they've got their own baggage to deal with, and they don't know any better than to take it out on someone else.

Main thing is, haters come with the territory. You put yourself out there for any reason, ANY reason at all, and someone somewhere will hate on you. It's the sorry state of the world. So if you're someone who's just had someone take a stab at your personal dignity today, I hope this serves to remind you: take what helps you - positive or negative (because we all have something to learn, and criticism is the only way to find out what it is) - but don't take any crap from any hater. We all deserve respect no matter how good or bad we are at what we do. Keep your chins up! :)

wildfire

Lately I've been getting a lot of comments from friends with various creative backgrounds, all stuck in the same 9-5 scenario, paying their bills, keeping their lights under a bushel. We're all in the same rut, trudging down the same dusty road - not sure where to go, but certain that we need to move or we die a slow, quiet inward death. We share our stories, we laugh at our circumstances and then we cry secretly on the inside. Oh, the life.

But occasionally, one of us makes a move...and it's like kindling a wildfire. Somehow, when you witness someone you know rise to the challenge of their genius, it lights something up inside you. It's not so scary and lonely to venture out and follow your heart when you know other people have done the same scary thing and survived. Also, there's something intoxicating and magnetic about a person who's figured out what they were born to do. It makes you realize that you were also born to do something, and it makes you want to find out what it is so you can have that same grin on your face that they have.

I hardly ever get any comments on this blog so I'm not sure how many people can relate to what I'm saying here, but as long as you're reading, you should know that we're all in this together! When you follow your dreams, I am inspired to follow mine. We are all kindling flames to one giant wildfire. :)

Other kindles:

Adrian Geronimo

Pen & Paper Apparel

girl in a cubicle

Many people in the world make a living out of what they do best. My dad is an accountant. It's what he does best. My husband is a graphic designer. It's what he does best. We as musicians call ourselves thusly because making music is what we do best. 

And yet so many of us (myself included) spend our days competing in fields with other individuals who are in it for better reasons than us. I'm working in an environmental organization right now - and don't get me wrong, I love everything about it - but I know that in my heart this isn't what I do best. The girl to my left majored in bio chemistry, across from me is a girl who is vegan and does bee-keeping internships on the weekend. My boss is also a vegetarian and used to scavenge recyclables out of the garbage cans at her university. My other boss used to own a recycling and disposal company. I'm just the computer whiz girl with the youtube channel who formats reports and makes funny jokes.

What I do best is music. I write songs. I sing. This is what I do best.

So if I'm making as much money as the girl in the next cubicle, doing something that isn't really what I was created to do...imagine what I could reap when I actually apply myself in the field that I was born to be in? And yes, this is bold. Yes, you can't exactly find a career as a singer/songwriter on Monster.com. But nothing that is worth it ever comes without a sacrifice.

Now. I'm not saying that I'm making music to make money. If I'm like 80% of the other souls that venture into this industry, I might spend the rest of my life selling CD's out of the back of my car. But if I don't even try, I'll spend the rest of my life being a girl in a cubicle. Except the difference between me and the girl to my left is that she's sitting right where she belongs, and I am not. 

If you're sitting in a cubicle where you don't belong, you and I both have got some thinking to do. The good thing is if you're not already at home where you are, then that means things can only get better. :)

going on a hunch

Sometimes, you just have to follow your gut.

It's not scientific. Luck, if it were real, is entirely capricious. And sometimes, just like a stroke of genius, a tiny voice whispers some kind of tip in your heart and you're not entirely sure if it's Divinity or insanity. But when your heart is right, it's right.

I recently applied for a job as a music director of a church. I was so excited that they were even considering my application (and immensely grateful to the friend who referred me), but I had a feeling in my gut that it wasn't quite the right thing at the right time. However, I am not one to turn my back on opportunities, so I applied anyway, praying for whatever was best. Today, I got a call: I didn't get the job. Slightly disappointed, but quite relieved. And also very happy, because I know that this is the best thing for everyone involved.

Meanwhile, I received a cryptic text from my friend/sort-of-manager-until-I-get-my-act-together, telling me (in not as many words) "We need to record [this track] by next week! And pitch it to [this artist]!! Get a studio!!!" or something slightly less emphatic, since he doesn't abuse exclamation marks nearly as much as I do. But he had a hunch, and he was quite excited about it, so I'm excited too. I'm not sure if this is going anywhere so I'm not revealing any details, but we're going with our gut. Sometimes you just have to. Maybe it won't go anywhere, and we end up in the same spot where we started.

But what if it does? :)

I think people need to go with their hunches a bit more often. I also believe that the Divine does whisper in our ears every now and then. It's just the kind of thing you hear more often when you tune in more intently.

So here I go. Tuning in.

writing on a message

When I first started writing songs, I wrote purely from instinct. There was no hard technique. All I had was a message and a melody. Literally, I took a main point that I wanted to talk about and then expanded the idea into a song.

For me, writing about a message was a great way to get started with songwriting because I already had an idea of what I wanted to say (as opposed to making up crazy story lines and drawing from memories, etc.). It's just a matter of organizing your thoughts and then using words to communicate the ideas in your head. Below are some key points that helped me get started. Again, I'm just speaking from experience here, so feel free to comment/contribute/ask questions... :)

Writing on a Message

1. Start with your message. Ask yourself "What exactly is my point?" Writing a song is almost like writing an essay or a short story. Most of the time, you need to have a point or a central message. Without this, you risk writing an incoherent, and therefore ineffective song.
2. Keep your language simple. Granted, some people have a wider vocabulary than others. However, while using big impressive words might score you points with your English professors, it might make your song a bit hard to understand or even listen to. If your goal is to get a point across to the biggest audience possible, keep the language simple and conversational. BUT...
3. Stay away from cliches. This should be a rule for all kinds of songwriting. There's a difference between making a song sound effortless versus lazy. Your listeners are allowed to be lazy. You are not.
4. Have a conversation. Sometimes, the idea of "writing a song" is a bit daunting. You can get so caught up in "trying to write a song" and then hit a wall because you're thinking of too many things at once. I like to have a little conversation with myself, where I just explain - in natural, conversational language - what I'm trying to say. You have this conversation out loud (keeps things interesting) or write in a journal. It helps take the focus off of "songwriting" and helps put it back on communicating, which is after all, what you are trying to do.
5. End on the same "spectrum". Always refer back to the message or central theme you started with. This is important. It doesn't mean your song can't undergo a transformation - you could very well start it off by saying "the world is at war" and then end it by saying "let's fight for peace", but make sure you at least start and end within the same "spectrum". For example: war vs. peace, hate vs. love, doubt vs. faith. Those are extreme ends that all share the same spectrum, therefore to start with one and end with the other may be easier for the listener to follow and believe. 

Obviously, there are a lot of other techniques you can use to communicate a message through song. The more control you have over things like rhyme, instrumentation, stress patterns and even melody/harmony, the better able you are to communicate your message. But if your message is strong and your writing is honest, you're already on your way.

Here's one of the finest, most legendary examples of writing on a message:

"Won't you help me sing

These songs of freedom

'Cause all I ever have:

Redemption songs.

Redemption songs."

- Redemption Song, by Bob Marley

There is so much power in the way he ends this. Two simple words. No fancy vocabulary. The key was that he tapped into a message that was the heartbeat of a whole generation. The honesty of it, stripped down into two words, became its power.