nobody likes mondays

giving up my lunchbox: morsels to miracles

This morning, I read the story in scripture of the day Jesus fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. It really made me think.

Somewhere in that crowd of 5,000 hungry people, someone decided to give up what little food they had on them, into the hands of this seemingly crazy person who was under some notion that it would be enough to feed the entire crowd. If that had been you or me, would we have given up our food? It seems like a lost cause. It would be a waste of a perfectly good meal. I would've probably eaten half of it and saved the other half for the trip home. And then inwardly snickered at the rest of the fools who didn't think to pack a lunch.

But whoever had the food in that story wasn't like me. They gave up their lunchbox. And it turns out they weren't so crazy, because the story tells that by the end of the meal, there was not only enough food, but there was more than enough. Twelve baskets full. I guess in this case mere sufficiency isn't really God's style - it would appear He prefers abundance. Overflowing, prodigious, unimaginable abundance.

Sometimes I think I spend too much time trying to give up my lunchbox to the wrong people. There are the people who take you for everything you've got, and then there are those who repay you in fairness. But in the right hands, your small lunchbox could be returned to you in a feast fit for five thousand. Now, I know I only have so little to give. When I consider how much hunger, pain and suffering there is in the world, it seems impossible that anything I could give would ever put a dent in the world's sorrows. And then I consider the story of how five loaves of bread and two fish fed five thousand people, and I realize: maybe it's not how much I have to give. It's who I give it to. In the right hands, my little lunchbox just might have enough in it to turn a morsel into a miracle.

be a light

Yesterday, I went to church with my husband and was inspired by the sermon, where the priest encouraged us to "be a light" for others. It's such a cliche nowadays to say "Let your light shine" or "Shine on". It's become almost a selfish thing to let your light shine, because people so often do it to glorify themselves. And yet when you think about how light really is used in the world, it's anything but self-glorifying. You use light to dispel darkness, to help others see, to banish fear, to rescue and give hope. You use light to make things more beautiful, or to guide those who don't know their way. Nobody ever shines a light for the mere sake of shining a light. Light always shines with a purpose.

I want to be a light, and I want to shine with purpose. To point people to the things that are greater than me, that make me who I am. Family. Friendship. Love. Passion. Humility. Goodness. Faith. God.

We all have it in us to be a light for others. It could be in the greatest masterpiece or the smallest gesture, but everyone has the power to dispel darkness. I think the most important thing is to know what it is you are shining your light upon. What are we helping others to see? Because we only have so much time to illuminate our small part of the world. Before we know it, our fire runs out. This is the truth for all of us. When this happens, can I say that I helped people find something worth looking for?

Powering Through

It's a new year.

2009 was probably one of the most unpredictable, exciting, angst-ridden, stressful, joyful, miraculous, friendship-filled, heartache-prone years in my life. I could list all the milestones, but we all have our share of reminiscing to do. There are only a couple of things that I will share.

Last year, I had a lot of unanswered questions and open roads waiting for me. I had just figured out how serious I really was about my music, and was just figuring out how to go about getting started. With the help of incredibly generous and talented friends in my band and my semi-manager/financier/all-around music business crutch, I got around to achieving some goals that I would've never been able to do alone.

This year, there are still a lot of unanswered questions and open roads waiting for me. I'm not really sure where to take my career, and as with any other aspiring musician or songwriter in the world, the odds of success are slim to none. But there is one thing I think I need to work on, and I'm willing to be accountable for in 2010: powering through. I'm fortunate to be working with friends who are as loving as they are brilliant. However, it occurs to me that they might not always be there, and there has to be a point when I start being responsible for my own dreams and aspirations. Quit being a baby, get over the fears that don't make sense, put your money where your mouth is and run with it.

2010: The Year of Powering Through.

What are your reflections on the coming year? :)

when two or more gather

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Matthew 18:20

Whether or not you believe in God or a higher power, there's no denying that there is a certain fire kindled when people are gathered. It doesn't matter what the setting - all you have to do is walk into a room full of friends and you will know that there is life there that does not exist in a room full of strangers. But this is most evident when the group is assembled for a creative purpose.

Today, for the first time in many weeks (months, even), I got together with the band to go over the track we're recording next week. We had some time left over after to work on some new material that I had written in the last couple of months. It was amazing. I walked out of there feeling refreshed. There is an energy in my veins that wasn't there earlier this week, or earlier today for that matter. I'm ready to unpack more songs, to toil at the ones that are halfway done, and to perfect the ones that are already complete.

There's no denying that it's hard, persistent work to create anything of value, whether it's music, art, dance, business, science. It's certainly knocked a bit of wind out of me, especially now that we've started with the nitty-gritty ("neety greety" as we say in the band). Studios, shows, press kits and networking events can really suck the fire out of the music if you go it alone. But like it says in the Bible, "When two or more are gathered in my name, there I am with them." Some people call it energy, genius, angels, life force...it's taken many names. I happen to believe it's God. Whatever good name you call it, I do know that when people gather in earnest - and in love - it comes. And whether you're a band trying to be famous, or just a band trying to have fun, it brings out the best in you. If only for that reason, it's totally worth bringing everyone out and ticking your neighbors off with the drums and bass once in a while. :)

for the girls: paint your own color

Ladies, tell me if you can relate: you're hanging out with your girl friend. You know the one. You've always thought she was prettier than you, she always has nice clothes, perfect skin, awesome hair, and she never gains weight no matter how many chicken fingers she eats, even though she never works out. And to top it all off, she's an awesome cook, she plays bass guitar, and has recently taken up halfpipe snowboarding.

You love this girl. She's a great friend, maybe even your best friend. But you secretly resent her because she's so...awesome. And she makes you feel...well...less awesome, at least compared to her. So you kind of resent her without meaning to, just a little bit, not for real, but sort of.

I know I'm like this sometimes. It's a combination of reasons, I'm sure, and I do my best to nip it in the bud whenever I catch myself. But it's silly when I think about it, to resent someone because I feel their greatness makes me small, or their beauty makes me less desirable. It's like the color red resenting the color blue, because it can paint the water. And the color blue resenting the color red, because it can paint the fire. We are all different colors, all part of a portrait, altogether a masterpiece. She is not better than me because she can never be me. And I can never be her, because I'm not supposed to be her. We are all different, and all equal.

It applies to everything in life, I guess. But today, I call on the women; myself first, and everyone else who can relate.

Paint your own color!

No one else is the same shade, nor will there ever be.

birthday banter - say it like you mean it

Today is my birthday. Woohoo!

With the help of modern technology, I received far more birthday greetings than I expected (or deserved, considering how poor my own birthday memory is). I made the decision at the beginning of the day to respond to every single facebook note, twitter post, text message and phone call. This resulted in a smattering of nostalgia, laughter, and even prayer throughout the day.

It's easy to be "reminded" by automated machines when someone's birthday comes up. On the flip side, it's too easy to take it for granted when you see 15 new wall posts on your facebook page greeting you happy birthday first thing in the morning. But when you decide to personally thank each person who greets you (whether they expect it or not), you are forced to really think about that person, what they mean to you, and how they have enriched your life.

There are people in my life who I've shared many laughs with, and some who have seen me through some truly dark moments. Some people barely remember me (mostly for singing or speaking somewhere), and some people know me the whole way through. Some greet me every single year, in spite of the fact that - knowing me - I've probably consistently forgotten their birthdays (sorry). And some people I've lost touch with over time and distance, but come back faithfully just to say hello and wish me well.

Today, I cherish all the people who remembered, whether by virtue of memory or automated alerts. It might seem like a small gesture to you, to send someone a text or a note on a facebook page, but it means much to me. Even more so now that I've actually taken the time to consider each and every one of you. Whatever genius inspired me to say thanks in a personal way, I'm glad it was awake today, because this is probably the best birthday present I have given myself: to remember the many wonderful people who have all made my life so wonderful and rich with meaning. :)